Sorry about the hiatus, folks. It’s been a tumultuous couple of weeks, which I’ll fill you in about presently, but for now let’s talk about a phrase that irks me beyond reason:
“He/She/Ze is the Love of my Life.”
Oh, where to begin? There’s nothing inherently wrong with the phrase “Love of my Life,” it’s not like “once again” or “very unique,” but I find it’s almost always used, unintentionally, as hyperbole. I guess it would be more accurate to say I am often annoyed by the couples/partners who use this phrase, rather than the phrase itself.
Have you ever seen one of those old couples, you know–the two who got married right out of high school, have been together for more than 50 years and still enjoy each others company? This may come as a surprise, but I adore those couples (even as much as I don’t think getting married that young is a good choice for most people). If they were to say that they were the Loves of each other’s Lives, I would not be irked in the least.
But these are not the people who use the phrase. Maybe it’s just where I am in life right now, but I can’t turn around without some twitterpainted, 20-something telling me how excited they are to have found “the Love of my Life” AKA the guy they meet 8-months ago and are boinking five times a week. Sweetcakes, there’s a damn big difference between Puppy Love and the Love of your Life. Not to say that this person couldn’t be the Love of your Life, but you won’t know for sure for a couple of decades. I mean, before you’ve been a relationship 12-18 months, your brain is still drowning in dopamine. You can’t even be certain this person is actually a compatible partner for you. Someone can be good in bed without being good to live with, for example.
To me, saying someone is the “Love of your Life” if you haven’t been together for at least, let’s say, a third of the length of your life, is absurd. And I think I’m being generous. If you’re 23 and you’ve been with someone for 2 years, Congrats, but don’t act like you understand anything about the full course of your life yet, it emphasizes your immaturity.
The other problem I have with the phrase “Love of my Life,” is that it reinforces the popular notion that there is but ONE person out there for each of us. There’s 6.8 billion people in the world, and you’re going to tell me there’s only one of them out there that I’m compatible with for the duration of my entire life? I guess reality makes a lousy fairy tale, but there’s beyond any doubt more than one person you could be with–and more than one person you will be with. If you’re of voting age, you’ve probably already dated more than one person. And not say that it worked with every one of them, but there’s not one perfect fit you’re going to fall into one day. All relationships take work, and all long-term relationships change form over time. You know what else changes over time? YOU!
And that’s why I think the “one to one” rule is so ridiculous. We’re not the same person from year to year, decade to decade. Ideally, we’re constantly growing and changing and evolving. It’s a remarkable thing to find someone who will grow and change and evolve with you through the years. You’re much more likely to find someone who you fit with now, and in a few years find you’ve both outgrown each other.
If you find someone whom you have 10 wonderful years with, and then it ends, does that mean he/she/ze wasn’t “the one”? Does that mean those 10 years were a waste, that everything that came before the dissolution of the relationship was a lie? Granted, it can feel that way when you’re heartbroken, but the answer is a definite NO! To me, one wonderful day together is enough to justify having tried, but 10 years?? 10 years is AMAZING!! And while it’s sad that it ended, the end of the relationship does not negate the 10 years it existed.
So the problem is, I don’t believe in a Love of your Life, but Loves! There is so much Love in the world, why not go out and Love and be Loved as much as you can? Go, fall in Love. And if it ends, grieve for your loss, but not for too long… there’s more Love to be had.