So I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus… truth be told, I’ve been kind of depressed and didn’t want to blog in that state of mind. Believe it or not, I get waaaaaay more cynical and bitter than expressed here, and it’s not fair to subject you all to that. But I’ve come to some realizations.
I’ve gotten to a point where I realize I really have no choice but to love myself. For various reasons, I really don’t want to do it, but I can’t keep avoiding it. My big problem is and always has been not seeing myself as worthy of love or attention or much of anything. Constantly searching for outside validation will make you a pretty depressed person, especially if you’re introverted. I’ve said for years that, to me, purpose in life comes from learning to love yourself. Well it’s about time I nut up and do it.
So I decided I’m officially dating myself. No puns intended. And I don’t mean it in a creepy lonely way, I just mean that if I’m dating someone I’m very sweet to them, and I’m never sweet to myself. Or even nice. Or supportive. Or any of those things that are good qualities in a partner. So I have to treat myself like I am my partner, in that I think of myself as deserving the same love and respect I would offer anyone else. It’s not going to be easy, but I believe it will be worthwhile.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
– The Buddha