Let’s be transparent about it: I’m wary of relationships. Anyone who’s been alive more then 3 years probably is. After all, people hurt each other. And, as my best friend says, “A big front has a big back.” In the case relationships or love, the more you invest and the more pleasure you get from the whole experience, the greater devastation you’re risking yourself should it come to an end.
Or when it comes to end, I should say. All relationships end. Some do make it “till death do [they] part,” but most relationships will end much sooner than that for any number of reasons. Some ends are amicable, others complete blood baths. I’ve had my share of both. Nothing I’m saying here is remarkable, we all know it, right? Then why are we risking our hearts? Assuming we put heart into it– which is frankly the one way that seems at all worthwhile to me. But we do it anyway. Time after time, failure after failure, we keep looking and trying and, more than likely, losing. And it was never entirely our fault or entirely the fault of the other person. Though, more than likely, we underestimated our power to change the relationship. Some are just bad ideas from the get-go.
But why? What, exactly, are we looking for? It’s not the risk of heartache that makes me wary of relationships. Pain doesn’t scare me. It’s that many of us are looking for “forever.” Which is asking A LOT. I’ve promised forever to some people. I love them still, that’s true, but it sure as hell didn’t last forever. I don’t really see it in the nature of relationships to last “forever.” Even if it’s death that has to part you. The Earth will still be spinning long after humans are extinct and all traces of our existence erased (save fossils), so what kind of absurd thing is it to say “forever” to someone, regarding your feelings and your relationships? Humans aren’t known for their stability of emotions, for one. But I guess “right now” or “as long as it lasts” isn’t quite as romantic as “forever.”
We turn again to Facebook. Now, I know I talk about Facebook a lot, and it’s because I think Facebook is a fascinating place to study relationships. I have my relationship status turned off because I hate that everyone has something to say when/if it changes… but it’s intriguing to watch how it plays out on other people’s profiles. This image is just brilliant to me. I couldn’t have made up something better:
So, the person who’s toasting to his “forever love of forever” has been dating this gal for about 18 months. Year and a half… forever, same difference, right? It’s why we let 18-month-old’s drive cars. But the string of responses just amused the hell out of me. The first couple of responses are folks chiming in with their own relationship fodder–anything to talk about ourselves, right? But then my kindred spirits come out of the woodwork, and I’m comforted by the few folks gagging and making “Your Mom” jokes to combat the 40+ likes this post already got.
Oh well. I hope this friend isn’t disappointed down the road of whatever is to become of his “forever love of forever.” But I’m going to do my best to focus on what’s right here, right now. I have to let my Love fuel me. Whether I’ve convinced myself it’s the mystical “forever love” or any of the other, equally as worthy forms of showing Love towards another person, I’ve got to give all I can now and not worry about who I’ll have to Love later.