I wonder if this is what Peter Parker feels like when he goes home to MJ and finally takes off his mask.  

After a sincere, year-long attempt at a relationship, I’m actually pleased to be returning to single life.  Breakups always suck, and this one is hardly an exception, but singledom feels so natural to me– truly being the master of my own life, my schedule, my activities and, perhaps most importantly, with whom I spend my time.

I’ve never understood how some of my friends could hop quickly from one relationship to the next with barely any time in between to find themselves again.  I always find myself needing more alone time than usual after a breakup, time I often refer to as “recalibration.”  It’s not only that you need to figure out who you are independent of the relationship, but you need to figure out who you are after the relationship.  Every relationship we have, no matter how short, changes us.  Some teach us what not to do, some inspire us, but either way we are changed, even if in only subtle ways.  

I’ve learned a lot of what not to do this time around, but I also feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself, and that, being the “free spirit” I am, maybe the standard courtship mold doesn’t work for me.  After all, I really love living on my own, I don’t know that I want to move in with someone else, get married and start a family.  Maybe down the road, but right now I want to just meet interesting people and have great connections.  I don’t need a marriage end game, even though it’s a lot less illegal for me now.  (Bye, bye DOMA!) 

Anyhow, it’s good to be back.  I’ve missed blogging a lot, and I felt so out of place not being my single self, even though it was nice to feel a little bit “normal” for a hot minute.  And I can’t forget the love I’ve shared, even though things were hardly perfect most of the time.  I try to hold on to the good and let the rest fall away, but it takes time. 

Cheers to Single Life! 

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2 thoughts on “Recalibration

  1. MainelyButch says:

    You couldn’t have said it better! I so enjoy my single life, but there are certainly times I wish I could come home to someone waiting for me. You single line ” Every relationship we have, no matter how short, changes us.” is so true and important to remember.

    I’m happy to see you blogging again. I know that I have issues with blogging when I am dating someone…seems that I am concerned as to how my blogging of my own personal thoughts might be perceived by them; that I will say something wrong. I hate that I do that, that I “censor” my own thoughts and my writing in any way like that. I have always said that I would not stop blogging because of someone else’s issues with what I choose to address in my blogs…but then I find myself doing just that.

    Thankfully I am single too, and it’s not an issue right now. I hope that in the future I meet someone more secure that would not want me to change my thoughts just to appease them and so that their “friends don’t get the wrong idea or impression”. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us! Blog on!!!

  2. MainelyButch says:

    Reblogged this on MainelyButch and commented:
    Very well written! I can so totally relate, and I am sure there are others who can as well! I really enjoy this blogger! Check her out!

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